I attended a workshop at CSUSM the other week about what it means to be in a healthy relationship. At first it seemed self-explanatory and I began to think that succeeding in a healthy relationship was easy. The psychologist started by sharing with us the characteristics of a healthy relationship: try to communicate effectively and always be open to compromise. These made perfect sense to me. Although it might be harder to do than say, it seemed like an all encompassing tangible solution. But, then we looked at what an unhealthy relationship consisted of. It became clear that so much more than simply good communication and compromise was needed in order to succeed.
The unsound foundation for any unhealthy relationship has one major thing in common: Power. This was the one word that stood out to me at this workshop for many reasons. The more I thought about it, the more it made me realize just how big of a foundation it was in determining a relationships success. Ultimately, the concept of power within relationships taught me much more about society than I ever thought it would.
In any relationship, whether it be healthy or unhealthy, there exists a power stratification. Whomever holds the power, dictates the activities, the outcome of happiness, the outcome of health, the outcome of success. In a healthy relationship, the couple will have a balance of power. This does not necessarily mean a 50/50 split though. It simply means the amount of power is agreed upon with a consensus from both partners. It should be consistently flexible and periodically checked for fairness and happiness. In unhealthy relationships, the power balance is never discussed. Often times the majority of power is held by one partner and is concrete/unwavering. The effects of this in our society are astounding.
- Sexist gender roles
- Rape/ Sexual assault
- Domestic violence
- Suppression
- Patriarchy
As we continued talking about how unhealthy it is for this type of power balance, I began to realize a trend for who holds the power in most relationships within our society. Men. This bold realization then led to awareness for why this may be a trend. I am in awe. I am furious. I feel helpless because of the intense brainwashing that is happening around us, but I feel inspired as if maybe we can wake up from this mess. We need to fix it.
The problem is not the individual men in unhealthy relationships. Yes, they may be violent. They may be manipulative. They may be more confident. They may make more money. And yes, they do have more power. But, NO it is not their fault.
Why is it that men hold the power in relationships most of the time? Because our society gives it to them. Men are being taught this entitlement of power from an early age. Our entire political system, workforce system, gender role system, etc. is presenting a model to follow. When all of the political decisions made in our country are made by men, it sets the precedent for men to rise up to lead and women to comply. Sadly, many times this model gets taken to the extreme in individual relationships or interactions. We, as humans of gender, do not know how to interact equally, yet.
The rape culture in our country exemplifies this.
Every two minutes, a woman in our country is sexually assaulted. Most of the rapes that occur go unreported. Unreported out of fear. Unreported out of uncertainty. Unreported out of embarrassment. It makes me so sad that women feel embarrassed to report a sexual assault. This speaks volumes to the power dynamic of our culture. Women are embarrassed to be the victims because they will still somehow be blamed or suppressed. They subconsciously know that the blame will not be put on the man in our society. They have the power by default.
This news story is a beautiful artistic portrayal of the tremendous daily burden that women feel as a victim of sexual assault. They are constantly being ignored in times of need, and their voices are not validated. Contrastingly, I love how this young women’s voice and validation is fought for.
While I was listening to the lecture on healthy relationships, these kinds of uphill battles were all that I could think about. The relationship of men and women in society as a whole is not a healthy one. The power dynamic is not discussed. It is not flexible. It is not fair.
We need to take it upon ourselves to consistently work out the balance of power and decision making between genders. We must communicate. We must compromise. The men should lift up the women, and the women should lift up the men. We desperately need to stand side by side. Serving each other, respecting each other. There are a continuum of genders, and the continuum should be along one line of equal rank. With this, will come the balance of power. And with a balance of power, the relationships within America (individual and societal) can once again be healthy.
Event Assignment #1
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